Resilience: How to Overcome Marginalization by Reframing Thought
Like many others, I was shocked by the US election results. For myself, as a transgender person, the “known“ of how I am treated in American society just became a huge unknown. So, I was scared. I was scared to the point of panic. I was unable to sleep. While I wanted to lash out, to scream, to run, my Buddhist practice spoke out to me. I understood I was in a period of suffering, fueled by external events, triggering the electro-chemical reactions that created emotions. I know I should not grasp a state of being, but I was doing that. I held “hot coals” and wished others to feel the pain.
I wondered, “Why do I want others to feel pain?” And at that moment, a realization came to me. The people who voted differently than I did have been feeling like I feel now. They have been living in some state of suffering. They see their vote as a way to feel “better.” I mean, common sense should suggest that 100% of voters who voted the opposite of how I did do NOT want to take my rights away or kill me. They want a government that serves them, just as I do.
Now, this isn’t my way of excusing marginalization. Marginalization is real, harmful, and creates winners and losers. It must end.
So, the more significant question is, how do I influence change for the greater good? How do I help create a society that serves all equally?
Coincidentally, days before the election, I spoke to my team about acting in the vacuum of inaction. Specifically, I stated, “When posed with a challenge, answering by throwing our hands in the air and shrugging is a failure and is unacceptable.” Sometimes, in lessons for others, we teach a lesson to ourselves.
As I looked for my direction, my solution, I happened to read an NBC News article about the first out transgender person elected to Congress, and found my muse,
“My job is to be a damn good member of Congress and through that, hopefully earn the respect of both folks who aren’t yet quite sure what they think about trans people, and yes, people who think that trans people don’t deserve the same dignity and rights as everyone else,” she said. “Ultimately, that’s the only way that I’m fulfilling any obligation, because if I take every single fight, if I take every single poke and prod that they try to push my way, I won’t be there very long. And so, my job is going to be to keep focused on the work at hand. When that means defending my LGBTQ constituents, I will do it.” ~ US Congressperson-elect Sarah McBride
How perfectly stated! Yes, I can do this. I’ve already been working to support the LGBTQA+ InfoSec community through outreach and example. I’ve reached a level of seniority in management and led multiple teams even though I am transgender. And how did I do this? By showing up as a professional, by creating results, by being visible, by being open, being kind, and by helping people get to know me past the “transgender” label so they see me as Jess.
Jess, the InfoSec professional, the mentor, the kind person, the parent, and the grandparent. Jess, the taxpayer. Jess, the rebel.
“Jess… is just like me.”
In fight or flight, I choose not to flee. Fight is not the right word. Stand (with a little “resist”) is more appropriate. I will continue to be visible. I will continue to advocate. I will continue to be the best I can be in my profession. I will continue to lift others. I will continue to listen. I will continue to seek solutions, personally and professionally. I know we are all more alike than different. I know we are greater than one person or one party.
We can do this because we are always BETTER TOGETHER.
